Friday, 12 September 2008
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Strange Brew of the Western World
How depressing it is to be miserable and not really know why. But kinda know.
The age old question - what do I want to do with my life. You'd have hoped I'd have at least an idea by now, but I don't.
Do I want stability? Yes.
Do I want it now? No. Maybe. I'm not sure.
I keep seeing icons and images of places and longing to be there. Longing at least to have an opportunity to go there in the way I would like. the placemats at the Swedish restaurant reminded me of European folklore, the Arab countries on TV reminded me I've never seen an Arabic country, the prospect of Japan excites me due to it being away from western people. I want to learn French and live in France for a while, I want to live in Germany for a while and speak German.
New York I'm not so sure about anymore.
I just feel like I'mfed up with the posing, the violence, the need to save face and outdo everyone else, the ridiculous house prices everywhere that mean I will always struggle just to have my own space.
I don't think I'm lonely anymore though (if I ever was, I haven't felt it for some time in that manner), after learning to love my own company I almost feel like I miss myself.
Or at least miss having myself to myself.
I need space. Maybe I need a short burst of stability with a job in order to get some space that I can call my own - even temporarily - where I can learn to paint, can finally write my music undistracted, and I can write the sitcom and my deepest darkest ideas down in black and white.....every moment until I've spent my creative load.
Godi wish things were more straightforward sometimes, and now I feel guilty for wanting more despite my already very fortunate sitation..
The age old question - what do I want to do with my life. You'd have hoped I'd have at least an idea by now, but I don't.
Do I want stability? Yes.
Do I want it now? No. Maybe. I'm not sure.
I keep seeing icons and images of places and longing to be there. Longing at least to have an opportunity to go there in the way I would like. the placemats at the Swedish restaurant reminded me of European folklore, the Arab countries on TV reminded me I've never seen an Arabic country, the prospect of Japan excites me due to it being away from western people. I want to learn French and live in France for a while, I want to live in Germany for a while and speak German.
New York I'm not so sure about anymore.
I just feel like I'mfed up with the posing, the violence, the need to save face and outdo everyone else, the ridiculous house prices everywhere that mean I will always struggle just to have my own space.
I don't think I'm lonely anymore though (if I ever was, I haven't felt it for some time in that manner), after learning to love my own company I almost feel like I miss myself.
Or at least miss having myself to myself.
I need space. Maybe I need a short burst of stability with a job in order to get some space that I can call my own - even temporarily - where I can learn to paint, can finally write my music undistracted, and I can write the sitcom and my deepest darkest ideas down in black and white.....every moment until I've spent my creative load.
Godi wish things were more straightforward sometimes, and now I feel guilty for wanting more despite my already very fortunate sitation..
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