Friday, 12 September 2008
Thursday, 3 January 2008
Strange Brew of the Western World
How depressing it is to be miserable and not really know why. But kinda know.
The age old question - what do I want to do with my life. You'd have hoped I'd have at least an idea by now, but I don't.
Do I want stability? Yes.
Do I want it now? No. Maybe. I'm not sure.
I keep seeing icons and images of places and longing to be there. Longing at least to have an opportunity to go there in the way I would like. the placemats at the Swedish restaurant reminded me of European folklore, the Arab countries on TV reminded me I've never seen an Arabic country, the prospect of Japan excites me due to it being away from western people. I want to learn French and live in France for a while, I want to live in Germany for a while and speak German.
New York I'm not so sure about anymore.
I just feel like I'mfed up with the posing, the violence, the need to save face and outdo everyone else, the ridiculous house prices everywhere that mean I will always struggle just to have my own space.
I don't think I'm lonely anymore though (if I ever was, I haven't felt it for some time in that manner), after learning to love my own company I almost feel like I miss myself.
Or at least miss having myself to myself.
I need space. Maybe I need a short burst of stability with a job in order to get some space that I can call my own - even temporarily - where I can learn to paint, can finally write my music undistracted, and I can write the sitcom and my deepest darkest ideas down in black and white.....every moment until I've spent my creative load.
Godi wish things were more straightforward sometimes, and now I feel guilty for wanting more despite my already very fortunate sitation..
The age old question - what do I want to do with my life. You'd have hoped I'd have at least an idea by now, but I don't.
Do I want stability? Yes.
Do I want it now? No. Maybe. I'm not sure.
I keep seeing icons and images of places and longing to be there. Longing at least to have an opportunity to go there in the way I would like. the placemats at the Swedish restaurant reminded me of European folklore, the Arab countries on TV reminded me I've never seen an Arabic country, the prospect of Japan excites me due to it being away from western people. I want to learn French and live in France for a while, I want to live in Germany for a while and speak German.
New York I'm not so sure about anymore.
I just feel like I'mfed up with the posing, the violence, the need to save face and outdo everyone else, the ridiculous house prices everywhere that mean I will always struggle just to have my own space.
I don't think I'm lonely anymore though (if I ever was, I haven't felt it for some time in that manner), after learning to love my own company I almost feel like I miss myself.
Or at least miss having myself to myself.
I need space. Maybe I need a short burst of stability with a job in order to get some space that I can call my own - even temporarily - where I can learn to paint, can finally write my music undistracted, and I can write the sitcom and my deepest darkest ideas down in black and white.....every moment until I've spent my creative load.
Godi wish things were more straightforward sometimes, and now I feel guilty for wanting more despite my already very fortunate sitation..
Thursday, 18 October 2007
The Dalai Lama..
..sounds like Yoda.
I wonder if he was an influence for the character? How likely do you think that is.
I'm getting bored of football. Who would have seen that coming? It's just a phase, I'll be glued to the TV come Sunday (well...early Monday here) for another ignominious show of futile effort no doubt.
I wonder if he was an influence for the character? How likely do you think that is.
I'm getting bored of football. Who would have seen that coming? It's just a phase, I'll be glued to the TV come Sunday (well...early Monday here) for another ignominious show of futile effort no doubt.
Train yourself to the world
An old one, which there are parts to that I really like
..
Colours seem to mean
something to me
as people nose around
people's constant frown
.
Tourists take their place
many a different face
But I'll just pass the time
.
Cos I'm going
on a journey
a long, long journey
it seems
Cos I've been going
for a while
in my dreams
.
Coffee, papers, ipod players
writers, chavs and all the like
yawns and show-offs, nerds and dreadlocks
a culture so divine...
Cos I'm havin'
a something moment
a dream like no other
sees
and I'm showin'
a lot of nothin'
to these people I see
Papers, trainers, big time players
nothing's for free
rip-offs, drop-offs, juvenile stand-offs
headphones and a place to be
Cos I'm seein'
a better place
a hard, hard, place
to be
but it's been comin
all the time
my stop, you see?
..
Colours seem to mean
something to me
as people nose around
people's constant frown
.
Tourists take their place
many a different face
But I'll just pass the time
.
Cos I'm going
on a journey
a long, long journey
it seems
Cos I've been going
for a while
in my dreams
.
Coffee, papers, ipod players
writers, chavs and all the like
yawns and show-offs, nerds and dreadlocks
a culture so divine...
Cos I'm havin'
a something moment
a dream like no other
sees
and I'm showin'
a lot of nothin'
to these people I see
Papers, trainers, big time players
nothing's for free
rip-offs, drop-offs, juvenile stand-offs
headphones and a place to be
Cos I'm seein'
a better place
a hard, hard, place
to be
but it's been comin
all the time
my stop, you see?
Back in the cloud I expect..
Listen to the raindrops
Fear the storm
Feel the summer sun
Feel the warmth
Listen to my begging voice
Hear the pain
Listen to my heart beat
It doesn't beat the same.
..
Unfortunately this has a slight feeling of that finger down throat vomit making gesture about it. Might be the end part. It's all a learning process.
Fear the storm
Feel the summer sun
Feel the warmth
Listen to my begging voice
Hear the pain
Listen to my heart beat
It doesn't beat the same.
..
Unfortunately this has a slight feeling of that finger down throat vomit making gesture about it. Might be the end part. It's all a learning process.
Jump
So today is another unproductive lazy day. How many of those have there been.
I really shouldn't be waiting around for the weekend and to go on the piss with Dave, I'm wasting travelling time, but I'm also here to have a good time and a night out is often my medium.
I've got plenty of time left and I did do the skydive yesterday. That was fun. Expensive but fun.
It's one of those things I'd have loved to have done again almost straight away to remember vividly how it had been the first time and to take things in a little more. I think you get a sensory overload and don't really look around or stop to take in what's actually happening to you.
Your ears go really fucked for a few seconds until you depressurise and although I quite like the idea of doing a solo jump, the whole idea of controlling the parachute down to the ground seems quite imtimidating. More so than the actual idea of freefalling alone.
Today I may visit the gondola and do the luge or something. I must get out. Ooh.....I need the barnet chopped too.
Dalai Lama is on telly. I must read up some more on Buddhism. I should really read up on all religions. Maybe I should just read a little more.
Ignore the ramblings that I'm randomly posting, I have writings from years back in one notebook and I'm just getting them on here to preserve them. The ones that I think have potential anyway - I want to use them for more constructed ideas in the future and the more I do it I think the better I get at patterning and stuff....
Anyways...
I really shouldn't be waiting around for the weekend and to go on the piss with Dave, I'm wasting travelling time, but I'm also here to have a good time and a night out is often my medium.
I've got plenty of time left and I did do the skydive yesterday. That was fun. Expensive but fun.
It's one of those things I'd have loved to have done again almost straight away to remember vividly how it had been the first time and to take things in a little more. I think you get a sensory overload and don't really look around or stop to take in what's actually happening to you.
Your ears go really fucked for a few seconds until you depressurise and although I quite like the idea of doing a solo jump, the whole idea of controlling the parachute down to the ground seems quite imtimidating. More so than the actual idea of freefalling alone.
Today I may visit the gondola and do the luge or something. I must get out. Ooh.....I need the barnet chopped too.
Dalai Lama is on telly. I must read up some more on Buddhism. I should really read up on all religions. Maybe I should just read a little more.
Ignore the ramblings that I'm randomly posting, I have writings from years back in one notebook and I'm just getting them on here to preserve them. The ones that I think have potential anyway - I want to use them for more constructed ideas in the future and the more I do it I think the better I get at patterning and stuff....
Anyways...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
